i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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