It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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