reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
