I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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