Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
