You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
