i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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