and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
