Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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