Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
