This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize