It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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