i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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