Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
