how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
