I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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