everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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