What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
