looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
