C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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