I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize