Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
