sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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