I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
