I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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