New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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