i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
