If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
