I cannot find my penis.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
