are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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