I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
