You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
