he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Be still, my beating vagina.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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