i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
