i think my tv is drunk
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
