dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
