Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
