Pappa wants mamma naked
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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