evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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