He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
