she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
