So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
