Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
