It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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