i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
