he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
