So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
