Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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