you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is Oprah even human
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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