how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize