Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
