It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
