I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
