She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She told me I should be a condom model.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
