I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
