the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
