I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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