i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
