Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize