It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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