Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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