So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
