i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
