so explain again why im purple
no
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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