i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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