No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
