I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
