i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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