He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
