We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize