THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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