We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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